To The Men of Oxford Ohio:

I write to you out of desperation and declaration. On behalf of every girl you'll meet in your classes I write to clear something up. For ages men have approached friendship with a binary view; I would sleep with her or I wouldn't. But within this view there is one major fault-- not every girl who is nice to you wants to get in your pants. 

Is it so hard to imagine that I may enjoy eating and enjoy eating more when I am not alone, if we get food while hanging out it does not constitute a date. Is it so outrageous that I express myself with physical affection? Could a hug not insinuate anything but my happiness to see you? Is it so unreal that I may want to be your friend but not want to see you naked?

I ask you to put your penis behind you and look forward to a relationship with out sexual undertones. A relationship where I don't need to be "more sly" but rather you need to be "less presumptuous". Don't be afraid of physical affection or put too much worth in it-- I don't mean to frighten or tease you, I mean to embrace you [really].