two eggs over medium and rye toast

Lessons Learned:

 - Spandex onesie's + boots is just about as awkward feeling as naked + socks and watch [ps, I have infact already turned the onesie pink by washing it with my new red sweater. i really thought cold/cold would prevent that, but alas. at least now I'm ready for valentines day?]

 - Because we are your friends, you'll never be alone again-- so come on. I find it so amazing that even though we're apart from each other for so long, the second we're all in a room together paper mache-ing a giant Horse head, or eating a vat of spaghetti, you instantly realize and remember that life would be intollerable without these people and are overwhelmed with a feeling of home. 

 - Never underestimate the power of your environment to change your mood. I'm going to redo my little room in Ohio to help make it through one more semester.I'm sure that it really is part the people in this space but I still have to trust that the world around me can make me more comfortable. 

 - Memories can be tricky. A connection to a small physical thing like a letter or a note can be significant to you. But you have to always ask yourself if you want to keep living in that memory. If you destroyed it, would your reaction to that memory be destroyed as well? Sometimes I keep things because I think that i'll want to remember someday. But really I could never forget. Am I going to always justify myself backwardly? That is to say, what has happened to me in the past will forever be what I use to justify my thoughts and define myself? Or should I destroy all of it and forget what's happened? A non-physical thing like the retelling of a story can break your heart. You hear the story from angles you didn't think of before. Maybe seeing a family figure not as an Uncle or a mother but as a person like you just from the angles you as a daughter and neice don't usually have insight too. Or maybe hearing it told by a room full of your friends makes you realize you weren't really a part of the story and you ask yourself why you weren't involved; why no one wanted you to be a part of it. You thought you knew the story but you do not and you suddenly feel less attached to those around you and a little more in the way. Memories are strange indeed. 

 

Tentative Resolutions:

 - Get out of Ohio. 

 - Honesty. if i tell people the truth maybe i'll finally realize what i want... out of everything.  if not, they'll begin to think that i'm an honest person and just when they think that i'm good, i will trick everyone around me with a grand lie to get what i want and they will realize that really deep down i am evil. 

 - Sex > 1x a year. I need to learn to trust people a little bit more and my skin might peel off my body if i don't. i just went out and bought some new makeup and such and i'm going to poison it and give it to pretty girls so that i will appear more attractive after the thinning of the herd. 

 - Get out of Ohio. 

 -Finish scheming for my vision quest and start doing it. Without reservation. And without premeditation. Overthinking never leaves room for the unexpected.