art in america

This town makes me a coward again. 

I was doing really good for a while, 

like, really confident, able to stand up to anyone confident. 

and instantly I find myself cowering behind my book at the coffee shop when I really want to flirt with a guy I had a crush on throughout high school. 

blast. 

I remember looking around the bar this weekend in a very outside-looking-in manner at all of the couples interacting, strangers interacting, the men at the bar and thinking: my god I don't have the competency to do this, I cannot figure out ways to make that situation sexy anymore. It's fun to dance with your friends but I want to meet someone who cares about me again, but god damn. 

It seems like that only happens every four years. 

I'm tired of waiting. 

but alas. what other options do I have?